Parenting

Parenting is perhaps the most important profession in the world. There is not a person alive who has not been massively impacted by how their parents interacted with them. Adoption, step-parenthood, homosexuality, socioeconomic status… All of these can affect how a child grows and develops. Perhaps the most important indicator of a healthy child is the method with which they were raised. A child raised in a rich but ultimately (dare I say) abusive household is likely to experience more problems in life.

Of course, not all parenting techniques are equal. In fact, I’d say that a majority of them are less than effective. In reference to the sheer number of children that are a byproduct of inferior parenting, I would estimate that most parents aren’t very conscious of their parenting styles. As mentioned in the Demographic Winter post, those with lower education and general morality are having more children than those higher up. Sadly, that means that those who could provide optimal parenting have children more rarely than those who could not.

This is a particular problem because people are heavily influenced by how their parents raised them in how they raise their own kids. Eventually, it seems, good parenting will go extinct through a mere matter of natural selection.

Fortunately, we are not subject to our own experiences alone. As this problem has become more and more studied, certain strategies have been optimized, tested, evaluated, retested, and published as part of a growing counter-culture of good parenting. These methods tend to focus on the intentionality with which good parenting must be done, with a conscious effort on how they are acting in a particular manner.

Most good parenting strategies also implement the use of empathy, respect, and equality between parent and child. Of course, it would be foolish to give a child all of the benefits and responsibilities of adulthood, but they classify only the most necessary of differences as influential in the raising of a child. Some important strategies that use these tools are the Love and Logic parenting, as well as Active Parenting. Love and Logic is only inferior insomuch as it opens the child to manipulation through the parents, while Active Parenting avoids most of these traps.

Problem solving is vital to parenthood – even central. Unfortunately, not all problems can be solved. Rather, many of them can merely be “handled.” Hence the use of the Problem Handling model. The first step in this model is the question, “Whose problem is this, really?” This is not asking who this will affect the most, but who actually wants the problem to be solved for its own sake. There are different approaches to if it is the child’s problem versus the parent’s problem.

If it really is the child’s problem, the recommended strategy is to just allow the natural consequences to occur whenever possible. There are three main possibilities in which this should not occur. First, if the situation is too dangerous. Essentially, if there is no possibility to learn a new lesson before the learning of the lesson is rendered useless, you should intervene. Second, if the consequences are too far off. This is similar to the first one, but can also be used when children may simply not connect the action to the consequences, and it needs to be taught before such things occur. Thirdly is if it is negatively impacting other people. If the consequences only influence them indirectly, they may never draw the dots. Again, it is essentially if the price paid for the lesson learned is too great.

The primary advice for if it is actually the parent’s problem is too use polite requests. Treating your children with respect is the surest way to teach them respect for other people. Essentially, you must raise your child under the belief that regardless of age or size, they must respect and honor other people – especially their own children.