Children & Responsibility: Finding Meaning in Life

As marriage declines in modern society, so too does much of our economic status (refer to Demographic Winter).  Divorce rates have skyrocketed, marital satisfaction has decreased, and fewer and fewer children are being born into healthy families. Doesn’t it seem ironic that so much misery would prevail when our society encourages us to do what makes us happy?

This phenomenon has been deemed the “Paradox of Choice.” As more and more options arise for us to choose between, we become less satisfied with whatever choice we pick, as we can imagine that there may have been a better option out there somewhere.

For example, if I gave you a Hershey’s chocolate bar, you probably wouldn’t complain, and would be content with happily eating your bar. But if I gave you a decision between a Symphony bar and full-size Snickers, you may have a dilemma. People higher in the trait of conscientiousness and neuroticism would second-guess themselves, thinking of how much better the other one might’ve been. “The grass is always greener on the other side.”

You may be able to see where I am going. Too many people become picky in their spouses, always knowing that someone better might come along, however unlikely. This leads to generally decreased happiness in marital life in correspondence to more “ways out.”

One of these ways of avoiding long-term commitment is the omission of children from the family. While it is true that marital satisfaction generally decreases with the birth of children, this usually only occurs if the marriage was already in fair amounts of trouble. In fact, in the healthiest marriages children increase general satisfaction, particularly in the long run.

It has been said, by various sources, that “Obedience to Law is Liberty.” When the Founding Father’s established the American Constitution, it was never deemed that freedom was the absence of law. Rather, it was the establishment of only those laws that were beneficial to the long-term happiness and prosperity of the people. By eliminating moral responsibility in terms of the family, the satisfaction of the modal American citizen has decreased, despite their own best efforts.

By avoiding the responsibility associated with having children and committing to long-term relationships, the meaning of life has become less and less prevalent in society. As acclaimed philosopher and clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson once said, “Meaning is proportional to the acceptance of responsibility.” Another gem from Peterson: “You can’t just have a conversation about rights without the other side of the conversation…Responsibility….Is that what makes the suffering and pains of life worth it? Rights?”

In other words, it is difficult to find meaning in life while simultaneously avoiding all unnecessary responsibilities. The pursuit of pleasure is not the same as the pursuit of happiness. In fact, Founding Father John Adams stated in a letter, “Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious People. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.”

While not everyone is governed by principles used in the creation of the Constitution, most look towards America as a foundation for morality, and dozens of governments have mimicked its manner of government. Something within it seems to resonate in the hearts of humanity.

There are few responsibilities more daunting and rewarding than the raising of children, especially in the modern times. Social pressures, financial difficulties, and a vast selection of other challenges will arise. Fear of commitment and responsibility are dominating our culture, and fighting against those cultural tendencies and looking forward to the finding of meaning becomes more and more difficult. Many choose the easier and less fulfilling route, choosing to satisfy immediate pleasures and whims over a traditionally proven method for receiving joy in life.

Don’t avoid responsibility. Seek it.