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The Family Model: More Than it Seems


If humanity were comprised of nothing more than a sum of its parts, we never would have survived. Consider how society runs, interdependently. The device you are using to view this has materials from all over the world, individually collected and manufactured together to intermingle with millions of other people, some of whom are thousands of miles away. All of this in exchange for a bunch of paper.

The family is the most basic unit of structure in society. It is by them that children are born, raised, and discover talents and purpose. Though we could, in theory, simply do as many of the animals and have little or no family, it would lessen our total value.

Unfortunately, we suffer from individualism. Wouldn't it be lovely if we all just did our job and had a happy family life? 

No. Dependence is different from interdependence. Through unique perspectives and the expression of our views, we provide necessary feedback to one another, ultimately assisting in our progression. 

Jordan Peterson has some interesting views on this. One of his major rules states that it is your responsibility, particularly to your children, to inform them in some way about any discomfort they are causing to you or to others. By doing so, you assure that you aren't allowing them to whittle away their value, and by their value, their fulfillment in life.

Consider a thermostat system. By receiving feedback in regards to the external temperature, it learns when change is necessary. A lack of feedback leads to a lack of change, and this results in a completely uncontrolled temperature at best, and a horribly misconfigured one at worst.

Families are like this. Though there should be a clear executive subsystem, families are ultimately comprised of several individuals. Trampling out their opinions is undesirable.

Just as it would be to listen and obey every member. An example may include a child with a condition such as asthma, who's concerning attacks are made even more vicious and frequent by the ever-present anxiety of an overly concerned mother. While it would be foolhardy to ignore these attacks entirely, it is important for the executive system to exercise good listening, as well as personal logics.

Of course, feedback would be almost entirely useless without incentive. Influence remains a major issue within the family system. Parents exert economic influence over children with tools such as allowance to exhort children into acceptable behaviors. Though many do not realize it, physical intimidation is a primitive tool still used in the raising of children.

Children, in turn, exert influence over their parents. This happens, in part, by the use of the other parent. Without the other parent, this dynamic is lost, and children lose a great deal of influence.

Of course, at first glance this seems a good thing. Children exerting influence over parents has been given quite a poor reputation, and with good reason. But children learn by pushing boundaries. If those boundaries are too tight, or if they find to little power within them, they stop pushing and ultimately stop learning.

 Many families have difficulties and circumstances that keep them from the highest degree of enjoyment and fulfillment of their families, which is entirely understandable. Others may cause these issues themselves, consciously or unwittingly.

Families are more than a sum of their parts. The benefits from having an intact, biological family are indescribable. Most any dying person has, on their deathbed, professed a regret that they had not spent more time and effort on their family.

The most effective model consists of a strong bond between a man and his wife, cooperatively governing the family and its subsystems. Consistent leadership is vital to the function of any team, and this bond is central to the growth and stability of the children.

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